Kintsugi Way – Eleven.

Compromise? Sure.
Sacrifice? No thanks.

I used to love getting my way, and being right wasn’t half bad either.

As I have experienced more in life and work, and adopted the idea of a beginner’s mind, I have embraced far more flexibility and compromise into my life and work.

It is much easier to do this when we can see and appreciate other people’s situations and perspectives and come at things with an open mind. As I witness many of my clients managing a new family or contemplating starting one I have noticed that they use the words compromise and sacrifice interchangeably.

The problem is they are VERY different. So I have made it my business to better understand the difference between the two and nudge people, wherever possible, to consider choosing compromise over sacrifice. Here’s why.

Compromise involves mutual concessions where there is more than one party that gives something up to reach a solution which is acceptable to both, that is as close to a win-win as possible. In contrast, sacrifice involves just one party giving up something for the benefit of the other, and usually at their own expense.

So you can probably see why, even when simply outlining the difference in the meaning of the two, I crown compromise the clear winner.

The very best partnerships are made, and maintained, by both parties contributing and/or giving things up so the other can step forward. 

This does not mean the distribution will always be equal, however, it does mean that there has been discussion and acknowledgement of both people’s needs and what both need to do more or less of, or change to create mutual benefit and comfort in the approach. 

The times when I see the most intense struggles, in co-founder or intimate relationships, is where one person has given up a great deal and ’sacrificed’ their needs. 

Upon occasion this may be a necessary evil but wherever possible if we can meet the needs of both people in a relationship, we are actively reducing resentment and promoting a sense of empathy and perspective on an alternative way of living or working.

So don’t sacrifice if you can compromise.

Janey

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